October 08, 2007

I'm BACK!

It's been awhile but I am back in the mix. I have lots to talk about and lots of pictures to share. I am also in a concept redesign of the site. So keep your eyes open for the continuation of Aydensworld! Until next time........

May 21, 2007

Drop Dead Date

June 1st.......That is the day I am to be out of the house. Sure it's a self imposed dead line but it's one I expect to meet. So far the search for another place has been pretty disappointing. I have every right to stay here until the house sells but I am giving it up so Ayden and his Mother can move back in until it sells.

I want to buy another house but I really cant jump into another one until this house sells. My search has consisted of mostly Duplexes. It's such a bummer to think about going from this house to much tighter confines but I have to keep reminding myself that it's only temporary. As long as I have two bedrooms for Ayden and I then it will be fine...I'm excited to get out in a way but it's also kind of stressful rushing to find something. Who knows what's around the next corner?

May 15, 2007

A Little Weight Lifted

Finally the house is now on the market! It has been awhile to get it there and it's a little weight off of my shoulders. I am going to be moving out by June 1st and let Ayden and his mother move back in until it sells. Hopefully that will not be very long. I can't lie and say that I wont miss the house due to the things it has to offer. I can say I will NOT miss the things that has happened within it's walls since I have lived here. I wish Ayden could keep his room... but hey we cant have everything I guess. It's just another step towards that new life I am looking forward to.....

May 14, 2007

Fallout Episode I

It looks as though I am trying to deal with the first fallout of the divorce with Ayden. After talking with his teacher at school it seems that Ayden has not been himself lately. This of coarse was expected to happen sooner or later as he tries to deal with all of the changes that are taking place in his life. He is not in a steady environment he has had since birth. It kills me that he has to be shuffled back and forth between his Mother and I, knowing that it has to be confusing to him. His teacher expressed concern, but was quick to say that it's normal and to be expected. He has been lashing out at other students and being pretty emotional at times. I hate it for him and I hope he bounces back to being the good kid he has always been. I feel pretty confident that when him and his Mother settle down he will be much better off. Hopefully that will be soon.

May 08, 2007

Looking To The Future

I look forward to my new life. I have so many things that I would like to accomplish and the new me can focus on those things now with vigor. I don't have any dead weight and I don't have to be anything to anyone...except of coarse a father to Ayden. I have things that need to be taken care of before my new life can really begin. My divorce still isn't final which hopefully should change within a month. The house still needs to be put on the market, which should come anytime. Once these things are put in order then my new life can begin! I didn't choose this new life and I fought to have it go away, but now I will make the very best of it. Bring it ON!

One of the things that is exciting and kind of scary at the same time is dating. I am looking forward to trying it out for the first time in 14 years. It cant be all that different can it? It's a good kind of frighting....hopefully I wont have to do a lot of it before that special someone comes along.

Another thing that has been on my mind a lot lately is introducing Ayden to new people in my life. When is it O.K. exactly and how do I approach it? The person would have to be pretty special but I also believe that Ayden is still young enough that he will be pretty accepting of anyone. I just want to be fair to him and not confuse him. I am ready to jump back in the mix of things but the last thing I want to do is confuse Ayden anymore than he already is. I guess when the right person comes around at the right time then the introductions will happen without much thought. I have faith Ayden will accept them with open arms.

I look to the future with great expectations and faith I will find the happiness I know I deserve. Regardless of what happens Ayden will very much be part of that happiness.

I Love You Son!

May 01, 2007

Part Time

I am averaging a couple of days a week that I get to spend time with Ayden. It has been tough adjusting to the new role I now must accustom myself to. I try to enjoy every minute but I constantly find myself thinking about what it's going to be like when I only get him one day a week and every other weekend. It is going to be rough.
Ayden seems confused at times about the arrangements. He still hasn't adjusted to the fact that he has to switch back and forth between his Mother and I. It tears me apart that he cant be in his home and in his room full time. Other times he amazes me on the way he seems so adult like. Talking about "Daddy's house" and "Mommy's" house. When he says things like that it gives me hope that he can adjust to his new life with out much repercussion. He is a strong little boy......

April 03, 2007

Party Time!




Ayden's 4th Birthday Party

March 21, 2007

Time Machine Anyone?

Have you ever wanted to go back in time? I am sure everyone at some point has dreamed of going back in time and changing a few things they might have wish they had done different.

Well with my life in a state of turmoil lately I find myself dreaming of a time machine. I wouldn't really want to change anything exactly, but just have a chance to re-live some great times in my life.

OK...OK.. I'm lying.
I would change a few things, but just a few........
I would always, I repeat ALWAYS treat the ones I love the most with love and respect.
I would not take all my time trying to fix myself, but enjoy the company of the one's I love.
I would tell my wife everyday just how much she means to me and show it to her everyday.
I would.....well I guess I should stop.

The facts are that I would change a lot of things. No ones perfect but I live with the idea that I have really done a lot of things that I regret and things that have lead to my current situation that I was too blind to see. Now I am left only wishing I could go back and change them. I cant go back, so I will never know if it would have made a difference. I just wish I could try it and see.

March 20, 2007

That's My Boy!



This is Ayden showing his sense of humor.

March 01, 2007

Coping With The Pain

Well due to my wife's decision regarding our marriage I will be forced to become a part time father. Ayden is my whole world. All that I have ever wanted in life was to be a good father and to be there for my children no matter what. I am going to be here for Ayden but it now will be regulated to every other weekend. It takes two to make a marriage and one half of mine has decided that her life will be better without me and now I have to deal with it. It's hard to not be angry for my pain. It's hard to think that I have been forced this new role and I have no say. It's not getting easier with time like I thought it would. It gets harder everyday knowing my time is growing shorter with my son. I hope that he knows that I have given it my all and that I will always be here for him. I love you son.

February 28, 2007

Winds Of Change

The winds of change are blowing hard in our household. Ayden's mother has filed for divorce. After 8 years of marriage she wants out. I really have got no explanation or real reason but that she is not happy with me in her life.

Now how do we deal with these winds of change?

Ayden has already witnessed more then I would ever want him to with his mother and I arguing with each other. The last few weeks have been rough, I have been begging like a fool to work this out. I wanted to save this marriage if it was the last thing I done. I wanted us to try and work together to get to the bottom of the problem. I wanted to seek professional help to no avail. Her mind is made up and now we have to deal with it.

It kills me more everyday knowing the effects this is going to have on Ayden. I never wanted this for him. I never want to hurt him. He is all I have now and I have to do what I can to salvage at least a friendly relationship with his mother to protect him.

I am only going to have Ayden for every other weekend and one night a week. I cant stand the thought of it. To fight it would cause Ayden more harm then good.

His mother wins this battle. I can only hope there is Karma left in the world and it comes back around to his mother for what she is doing to this family.

Ayden is my universe. Ayden is what gives me purpose. Ayden, Son I love you.

February 19, 2007

Forgiveness

Son,
Please make sure you learn to forgive. Make an effort to always see all sides of a dispute and keep your heart open to forgiveness. People are going to wrong you. Circumstances are going to arise that will leave you at crossroads on whether a person deserves forgiveness. Just remember when you come to that crossroad that you have needed and will continue to need forgiveness for your own actions. You are not above forgiveness. Why should anyone else be?

If you can not learn to forgive you will grow a bitter heart. Your anger will destroy you. I have walked in anger for many years only to see it nearly destroy me. My anger has caused great pain to myself and more importantly to those that I love the most. The first step in curing your anger will be forgiveness. Forgive those that wrong you. Forgive those that may not deserve it.

Keep your eyes open , your heart free and learn to forgive son.It's a must.

I Love You,
Dad

February 14, 2007

A Lesson In Faith

Son,

At some point in your life and possibly more than once you are going to have to learn to let go of something that you don't want to. Something you cherish, something that you might even love. You need to remember that golden rule. "If you love something set if free, if it comes back it's yours. If it does not, it never was." This may disappoint you and may even break your heart. It could have you thinking that the end of the world might be near, especially if it happens to be lost love. Just remember that you need to have faith in what you are doing and know that it might be for the best. It might be hard to swallow, but all things must happen for a reason. You have to always have faith in your decisions based on this golden rule of "Purpose". You may not understand why you must hurt so bad at the time and you may never know why you were ever hurt, but have faith Son. You will survive. Do the right things that you know in your heart are right. Walk the fine line with courage and confidence. Know that you cant control others but you can control your attitude in how you handle whatever disappoint they have in store for you. "That what doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger. " Have faith son, and never lose it.

I Love You,
Your Father

January 24, 2007

Gone Fishing




For Christmas we bought Ayden a fish tank. He claimed for close to a year that he had wanted one and his mother and I had always kind of liked the idea. When we purchased our house the formal owners had a fish tank that Ayden thought was really cool. I think I may have mentioned it in a earlier post. In fact he liked it so much that when we moved in he thought the tank came with the house and was very disappointed that the tank had been removed.

His mother and I thought most likely at that moment, although unspoken, that a fish tank was in our future. To be honest I have always really enjoyed fish, but never wanted a tank. When I was younger we had a couple of small tanks. I remember how much work that was involved keeping them clean. We didn't have filters or anything close to what you can get now. I remember the horrible smell of a dirty tank and having to clean it. I remember that the fish would never last that long and they would die. I hated it. I guess you could say it's another horrible childhood experience, but that aside, I enjoy watching fish.

Ayden seems to really love his tank and has enjoyed naming all his fish. He has been influenced by the "Nemo" and "Cars"movies. He has used names "Nemo", "Sharkbait", "Luigi" , "Mator", "Dynaco" etc.

Well the first fish tragedy was caused by our power loss from our Ice storm. I think we froze the poor fish to death. We tried to take steps to save them, put ultimately they all died. We had six fish and one of them had 10 babies the night we brought them home so we had around 16 fish in total. I thought Ayden might take it hard but he has been great. He knows that they must be flushed down the toilet. He seems OK with it. He of course asks questions like "why do fish have to die" and we answer them as best as we can. He gets excited that maybe the fish will now get to visit Zakk in heaven. It's cute.

We have since replenished the tank and the new fish had seem to be doing great until this morning when we woke to a floating "Luigi". Ayden seemed to take it alright. He said "Hey Dad, "Luigi" is doing back flips when he's dead!"

If we all could just do back flips when we die. That would be something.

January 23, 2007

What do YOU call it?

I Love my Son.

I believe everyone is born with this inner voice within themselves. At certain times in a persons life this voice really guides them to make the decisions that must be made, to think and ponder the thoughts that must be pondered. I believe this voice is sometimes loud and clear while at other times so faint and distant that you really would swear it didn't exist.

Some people like to give this "voice" other names or might describe it in other ways like "trusting their gut" or "listening to their soul". Some may even go as far as calling it "God speaking to them" if they so desire. I believe that it really doesn't matter what you call it or how you describe it, as long as you listen. Always listen.

You must put pride to the side and sometimes even good common sense if your "voice" tells you different. You might even have to go out on a limb at times to follow the "voice". You could be called crazy or even stupid following that "feeling" with many names. I believe we are all installed with it and given this gift for reason and purpose.

So how do I teach Ayden to always, regardless of the circumstances, follow the "gift"?

To make a point in his life to always involve this inner "what ever you call it" in every decision.
No matter the size or importance of the decision. If the "voice" speaks, you listen.

To never let Love, Trust, or someones Word sway him from listening to "it" first.

To have him understand that at times when the voice could be the most help, it might be inaudible. Other times when the world might get in the way of a "shouting" voice, he must still listen to it regardless of the cost.

To drop any distraction that may come along to "follow the gut".

I never want to see my son hurt. I know it's going to happen more than once, but if I can avoid him enduring even the slightest pain, I will do what I must. Along a long list of things I hope I can show and teach him, trusting his "inner voice" will rank among one of the highest.

I Love my Son.

January 16, 2007

Getting Back To Normal

Well the Great Ice Storm Of 07 seems to be drawing to a close. Our family has been without power for the last 4 days. It looks like a tornado has touched down in our neighborhood with all of the damage created from the ice. It is amazing at the amount of damage that our city has experienced.
Ayden has handled the situation like a trooper. For his age he has done great not having anything to do and not having anything but a gas fireplace to keep him warm. Our family has not traveled far from the fireplace located in the living room for the last few days and each one of us have experienced burnout being so close to eachother for so long. It has been tough at times to keep Ayden under control with him being cooped up for so long, but we have survived and seeing how he has handled the situation once again makes me a proud father. More on the storm later.

January 09, 2007

A real ladies man....

What can I say? He's got skills. A real chick magnet. This is Ayden's friend and school mate Rachel. One of many girls that seem to gravitate toward Ayden. Im not sure where he gets his charm since his dad never had much luck in the department, but I am proud regardless.

January 01, 2007

Happy New Year

I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year!

I look forward to getting back to the blog and keeping it up to date. I have no excuses except I have been very very busy. Ayden is growing each and every day and I look forward to showing his world again to the masses. Ayden will never let me run out of material.