May 21, 2007

Drop Dead Date

June 1st.......That is the day I am to be out of the house. Sure it's a self imposed dead line but it's one I expect to meet. So far the search for another place has been pretty disappointing. I have every right to stay here until the house sells but I am giving it up so Ayden and his Mother can move back in until it sells.

I want to buy another house but I really cant jump into another one until this house sells. My search has consisted of mostly Duplexes. It's such a bummer to think about going from this house to much tighter confines but I have to keep reminding myself that it's only temporary. As long as I have two bedrooms for Ayden and I then it will be fine...I'm excited to get out in a way but it's also kind of stressful rushing to find something. Who knows what's around the next corner?

May 15, 2007

A Little Weight Lifted

Finally the house is now on the market! It has been awhile to get it there and it's a little weight off of my shoulders. I am going to be moving out by June 1st and let Ayden and his mother move back in until it sells. Hopefully that will not be very long. I can't lie and say that I wont miss the house due to the things it has to offer. I can say I will NOT miss the things that has happened within it's walls since I have lived here. I wish Ayden could keep his room... but hey we cant have everything I guess. It's just another step towards that new life I am looking forward to.....

May 14, 2007

Fallout Episode I

It looks as though I am trying to deal with the first fallout of the divorce with Ayden. After talking with his teacher at school it seems that Ayden has not been himself lately. This of coarse was expected to happen sooner or later as he tries to deal with all of the changes that are taking place in his life. He is not in a steady environment he has had since birth. It kills me that he has to be shuffled back and forth between his Mother and I, knowing that it has to be confusing to him. His teacher expressed concern, but was quick to say that it's normal and to be expected. He has been lashing out at other students and being pretty emotional at times. I hate it for him and I hope he bounces back to being the good kid he has always been. I feel pretty confident that when him and his Mother settle down he will be much better off. Hopefully that will be soon.

May 08, 2007

Looking To The Future

I look forward to my new life. I have so many things that I would like to accomplish and the new me can focus on those things now with vigor. I don't have any dead weight and I don't have to be anything to anyone...except of coarse a father to Ayden. I have things that need to be taken care of before my new life can really begin. My divorce still isn't final which hopefully should change within a month. The house still needs to be put on the market, which should come anytime. Once these things are put in order then my new life can begin! I didn't choose this new life and I fought to have it go away, but now I will make the very best of it. Bring it ON!

One of the things that is exciting and kind of scary at the same time is dating. I am looking forward to trying it out for the first time in 14 years. It cant be all that different can it? It's a good kind of frighting....hopefully I wont have to do a lot of it before that special someone comes along.

Another thing that has been on my mind a lot lately is introducing Ayden to new people in my life. When is it O.K. exactly and how do I approach it? The person would have to be pretty special but I also believe that Ayden is still young enough that he will be pretty accepting of anyone. I just want to be fair to him and not confuse him. I am ready to jump back in the mix of things but the last thing I want to do is confuse Ayden anymore than he already is. I guess when the right person comes around at the right time then the introductions will happen without much thought. I have faith Ayden will accept them with open arms.

I look to the future with great expectations and faith I will find the happiness I know I deserve. Regardless of what happens Ayden will very much be part of that happiness.

I Love You Son!

May 01, 2007

Part Time

I am averaging a couple of days a week that I get to spend time with Ayden. It has been tough adjusting to the new role I now must accustom myself to. I try to enjoy every minute but I constantly find myself thinking about what it's going to be like when I only get him one day a week and every other weekend. It is going to be rough.
Ayden seems confused at times about the arrangements. He still hasn't adjusted to the fact that he has to switch back and forth between his Mother and I. It tears me apart that he cant be in his home and in his room full time. Other times he amazes me on the way he seems so adult like. Talking about "Daddy's house" and "Mommy's" house. When he says things like that it gives me hope that he can adjust to his new life with out much repercussion. He is a strong little boy......