March 26, 2007
March 21, 2007
Time Machine Anyone?
Have you ever wanted to go back in time? I am sure everyone at some point has dreamed of going back in time and changing a few things they might have wish they had done different.
Well with my life in a state of turmoil lately I find myself dreaming of a time machine. I wouldn't really want to change anything exactly, but just have a chance to re-live some great times in my life.
OK...OK.. I'm lying.
I would change a few things, but just a few........
I would always, I repeat ALWAYS treat the ones I love the most with love and respect.
I would not take all my time trying to fix myself, but enjoy the company of the one's I love.
I would tell my wife everyday just how much she means to me and show it to her everyday.
I would.....well I guess I should stop.
The facts are that I would change a lot of things. No ones perfect but I live with the idea that I have really done a lot of things that I regret and things that have lead to my current situation that I was too blind to see. Now I am left only wishing I could go back and change them. I cant go back, so I will never know if it would have made a difference. I just wish I could try it and see.
Well with my life in a state of turmoil lately I find myself dreaming of a time machine. I wouldn't really want to change anything exactly, but just have a chance to re-live some great times in my life.
OK...OK.. I'm lying.
I would change a few things, but just a few........
I would always, I repeat ALWAYS treat the ones I love the most with love and respect.
I would not take all my time trying to fix myself, but enjoy the company of the one's I love.
I would tell my wife everyday just how much she means to me and show it to her everyday.
I would.....well I guess I should stop.
The facts are that I would change a lot of things. No ones perfect but I live with the idea that I have really done a lot of things that I regret and things that have lead to my current situation that I was too blind to see. Now I am left only wishing I could go back and change them. I cant go back, so I will never know if it would have made a difference. I just wish I could try it and see.
March 20, 2007
March 01, 2007
Coping With The Pain
Well due to my wife's decision regarding our marriage I will be forced to become a part time father. Ayden is my whole world. All that I have ever wanted in life was to be a good father and to be there for my children no matter what. I am going to be here for Ayden but it now will be regulated to every other weekend. It takes two to make a marriage and one half of mine has decided that her life will be better without me and now I have to deal with it. It's hard to not be angry for my pain. It's hard to think that I have been forced this new role and I have no say. It's not getting easier with time like I thought it would. It gets harder everyday knowing my time is growing shorter with my son. I hope that he knows that I have given it my all and that I will always be here for him. I love you son.
February 28, 2007
Winds Of Change
The winds of change are blowing hard in our household. Ayden's mother has filed for divorce. After 8 years of marriage she wants out. I really have got no explanation or real reason but that she is not happy with me in her life.
Now how do we deal with these winds of change?
Ayden has already witnessed more then I would ever want him to with his mother and I arguing with each other. The last few weeks have been rough, I have been begging like a fool to work this out. I wanted to save this marriage if it was the last thing I done. I wanted us to try and work together to get to the bottom of the problem. I wanted to seek professional help to no avail. Her mind is made up and now we have to deal with it.
It kills me more everyday knowing the effects this is going to have on Ayden. I never wanted this for him. I never want to hurt him. He is all I have now and I have to do what I can to salvage at least a friendly relationship with his mother to protect him.
I am only going to have Ayden for every other weekend and one night a week. I cant stand the thought of it. To fight it would cause Ayden more harm then good.
His mother wins this battle. I can only hope there is Karma left in the world and it comes back around to his mother for what she is doing to this family.
Ayden is my universe. Ayden is what gives me purpose. Ayden, Son I love you.
Now how do we deal with these winds of change?
Ayden has already witnessed more then I would ever want him to with his mother and I arguing with each other. The last few weeks have been rough, I have been begging like a fool to work this out. I wanted to save this marriage if it was the last thing I done. I wanted us to try and work together to get to the bottom of the problem. I wanted to seek professional help to no avail. Her mind is made up and now we have to deal with it.
It kills me more everyday knowing the effects this is going to have on Ayden. I never wanted this for him. I never want to hurt him. He is all I have now and I have to do what I can to salvage at least a friendly relationship with his mother to protect him.
I am only going to have Ayden for every other weekend and one night a week. I cant stand the thought of it. To fight it would cause Ayden more harm then good.
His mother wins this battle. I can only hope there is Karma left in the world and it comes back around to his mother for what she is doing to this family.
Ayden is my universe. Ayden is what gives me purpose. Ayden, Son I love you.
February 19, 2007
Forgiveness
Son,Please make sure you learn to forgive. Make an effort to always see all sides of a dispute and keep your heart open to forgiveness. People are going to wrong you. Circumstances are going to arise that will leave you at crossroads on whether a person deserves forgiveness. Just remember when you come to that crossroad that you have needed and will continue to need forgiveness for your own actions. You are not above forgiveness. Why should anyone else be?
If you can not learn to forgive you will grow a bitter heart. Your anger will destroy you. I have walked in anger for many years only to see it nearly destroy me. My anger has caused great pain to myself and more importantly to those that I love the most. The first step in curing your anger will be forgiveness. Forgive those that wrong you. Forgive those that may not deserve it.
Keep your eyes open , your heart free and learn to forgive son.It's a must.
I Love You,
Dad
February 14, 2007
A Lesson In Faith
Son,
At some point in your life and possibly more than once you are going to have to learn to let go of something that you don't want to. Something you cherish, something that you might even love. You need to remember that golden rule. "If you love something set if free, if it comes back it's yours. If it does not, it never was." This may disappoint you and may even break your heart. It could have you thinking that the end of the world might be near, especially if it happens to be lost love. Just remember that you need to have faith in what you are doing and know that it might be for the best. It might be hard to swallow, but all things must happen for a reason. You have to always have faith in your decisions based on this golden rule of "Purpose". You may not understand why you must hurt so bad at the time and you may never know why you were ever hurt, but have faith Son. You will survive. Do the right things that you know in your heart are right. Walk the fine line with courage and confidence. Know that you cant control others but you can control your attitude in how you handle whatever disappoint they have in store for you. "That what doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger. " Have faith son, and never lose it.
I Love You,
Your Father
At some point in your life and possibly more than once you are going to have to learn to let go of something that you don't want to. Something you cherish, something that you might even love. You need to remember that golden rule. "If you love something set if free, if it comes back it's yours. If it does not, it never was." This may disappoint you and may even break your heart. It could have you thinking that the end of the world might be near, especially if it happens to be lost love. Just remember that you need to have faith in what you are doing and know that it might be for the best. It might be hard to swallow, but all things must happen for a reason. You have to always have faith in your decisions based on this golden rule of "Purpose". You may not understand why you must hurt so bad at the time and you may never know why you were ever hurt, but have faith Son. You will survive. Do the right things that you know in your heart are right. Walk the fine line with courage and confidence. Know that you cant control others but you can control your attitude in how you handle whatever disappoint they have in store for you. "That what doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger. " Have faith son, and never lose it.
I Love You,
Your Father
January 24, 2007
Gone Fishing
For Christmas we bought Ayden a fish tank. He claimed for close to a year that he had wanted one and his mother and I had always kind of liked the idea. When we purchased our house the formal owners had a fish tank that Ayden thought was really cool. I think I may have mentioned it in a earlier post. In fact he liked it so much that when we moved in he thought the tank came with the house and was very disappointed that the tank had been removed.
His mother and I thought most likely at that moment, although unspoken, that a fish tank was in our future. To be honest I have always really enjoyed fish, but never wanted a tank. When I was younger we had a couple of small tanks. I remember how much work that was involved keeping them clean. We didn't have filters or anything close to what you can get now. I remember the horrible smell of a dirty tank and having to clean it. I remember that the fish would never last that long and they would die. I hated it. I guess you could say it's another horrible childhood experience, but that aside, I enjoy watching fish.
Ayden seems to really love his tank and has enjoyed naming all his fish. He has been influenced by the "Nemo" and "Cars"movies. He has used names "Nemo", "Sharkbait", "Luigi" , "Mator", "Dynaco" etc.
Well the first fish tragedy was caused by our power loss from our Ice storm. I think we froze the poor fish to death. We tried to take steps to save them, put ultimately they all died. We had six fish and one of them had 10 babies the night we brought them home so we had around 16 fish in total. I thought Ayden might take it hard but he has been great. He knows that they must be flushed down the toilet. He seems OK with it. He of course asks questions like "why do fish have to die" and we answer them as best as we can. He gets excited that maybe the fish will now get to visit Zakk in heaven. It's cute.
We have since replenished the tank and the new fish had seem to be doing great until this morning when we woke to a floating "Luigi". Ayden seemed to take it alright. He said "Hey Dad, "Luigi" is doing back flips when he's dead!"
If we all could just do back flips when we die. That would be something.
January 23, 2007
What do YOU call it?
I Love my Son.
I believe everyone is born with this inner voice within themselves. At certain times in a persons life this voice really guides them to make the decisions that must be made, to think and ponder the thoughts that must be pondered. I believe this voice is sometimes loud and clear while at other times so faint and distant that you really would swear it didn't exist.
Some people like to give this "voice" other names or might describe it in other ways like "trusting their gut" or "listening to their soul". Some may even go as far as calling it "God speaking to them" if they so desire. I believe that it really doesn't matter what you call it or how you describe it, as long as you listen. Always listen.
You must put pride to the side and sometimes even good common sense if your "voice" tells you different. You might even have to go out on a limb at times to follow the "voice". You could be called crazy or even stupid following that "feeling" with many names. I believe we are all installed with it and given this gift for reason and purpose.
So how do I teach Ayden to always, regardless of the circumstances, follow the "gift"?
To make a point in his life to always involve this inner "what ever you call it" in every decision.
No matter the size or importance of the decision. If the "voice" speaks, you listen.
To never let Love, Trust, or someones Word sway him from listening to "it" first.
To have him understand that at times when the voice could be the most help, it might be inaudible. Other times when the world might get in the way of a "shouting" voice, he must still listen to it regardless of the cost.
To drop any distraction that may come along to "follow the gut".
I never want to see my son hurt. I know it's going to happen more than once, but if I can avoid him enduring even the slightest pain, I will do what I must. Along a long list of things I hope I can show and teach him, trusting his "inner voice" will rank among one of the highest.
I Love my Son.
I believe everyone is born with this inner voice within themselves. At certain times in a persons life this voice really guides them to make the decisions that must be made, to think and ponder the thoughts that must be pondered. I believe this voice is sometimes loud and clear while at other times so faint and distant that you really would swear it didn't exist.
Some people like to give this "voice" other names or might describe it in other ways like "trusting their gut" or "listening to their soul". Some may even go as far as calling it "God speaking to them" if they so desire. I believe that it really doesn't matter what you call it or how you describe it, as long as you listen. Always listen.
You must put pride to the side and sometimes even good common sense if your "voice" tells you different. You might even have to go out on a limb at times to follow the "voice". You could be called crazy or even stupid following that "feeling" with many names. I believe we are all installed with it and given this gift for reason and purpose.
So how do I teach Ayden to always, regardless of the circumstances, follow the "gift"?
To make a point in his life to always involve this inner "what ever you call it" in every decision.
No matter the size or importance of the decision. If the "voice" speaks, you listen.
To never let Love, Trust, or someones Word sway him from listening to "it" first.
To have him understand that at times when the voice could be the most help, it might be inaudible. Other times when the world might get in the way of a "shouting" voice, he must still listen to it regardless of the cost.
To drop any distraction that may come along to "follow the gut".
I never want to see my son hurt. I know it's going to happen more than once, but if I can avoid him enduring even the slightest pain, I will do what I must. Along a long list of things I hope I can show and teach him, trusting his "inner voice" will rank among one of the highest.
I Love my Son.
January 16, 2007
Getting Back To Normal
Well the Great Ice Storm Of 07 seems to be drawing to a close. Our family has been without power for the last 4 days. It looks like a tornado has touched down in our neighborhood with all of the damage created from the ice. It is amazing at the amount of damage that our city has experienced.
Ayden has handled the situation like a trooper. For his age he has done great not having anything to do and not having anything but a gas fireplace to keep him warm. Our family has not traveled far from the fireplace located in the living room for the last few days and each one of us have experienced burnout being so close to eachother for so long. It has been tough at times to keep Ayden under control with him being cooped up for so long, but we have survived and seeing how he has handled the situation once again makes me a proud father. More on the storm later.
Ayden has handled the situation like a trooper. For his age he has done great not having anything to do and not having anything but a gas fireplace to keep him warm. Our family has not traveled far from the fireplace located in the living room for the last few days and each one of us have experienced burnout being so close to eachother for so long. It has been tough at times to keep Ayden under control with him being cooped up for so long, but we have survived and seeing how he has handled the situation once again makes me a proud father. More on the storm later.
January 09, 2007
A real ladies man....
What can I say? He's got skills. A real chick magnet. This is Ayden's friend and school mate Rachel. One of many girls that seem to gravitate toward Ayden. Im not sure where he gets his charm since his dad never had much luck in the department, but I am proud regardless.
January 01, 2007
Happy New Year
I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year!
I look forward to getting back to the blog and keeping it up to date. I have no excuses except I have been very very busy. Ayden is growing each and every day and I look forward to showing his world again to the masses. Ayden will never let me run out of material.
I look forward to getting back to the blog and keeping it up to date. I have no excuses except I have been very very busy. Ayden is growing each and every day and I look forward to showing his world again to the masses. Ayden will never let me run out of material.
December 25, 2006
September 29, 2006
A Parade!
"Hey Daddy would you want to go to the parade with me?" Ayden asked after his visit to a local festival parade with his mother.
"Sure Ayden, maybe I will go next time."
"Great, there are lots of horses there that poop all over the place and it really stinks and then they walk in it!" Ayden announced proudly.
The smile on his face that followed his great claim was priceless.
Sounds like a blast son......
"Sure Ayden, maybe I will go next time."
"Great, there are lots of horses there that poop all over the place and it really stinks and then they walk in it!" Ayden announced proudly.
The smile on his face that followed his great claim was priceless.
Sounds like a blast son......
September 22, 2006
September 07, 2006
Innocence Anyone?
As the summer comes to an end I find myself thinking how much Ayden has grown over this summer. I just want to stop the clock and enjoy fatherhood for awhile. Ayden is at a very fun age. The innocence will never be at the level I see it in Ayden right now. If it needs to be told, he tells it. If something is amiss, you can bet Ayden will let it be known that it's just not right. I love it.
Why must we lose that part of us? Is it because the world forces us to? Is it because if we were to stay that innocent we would never find the meaning of life or understand it's value? I dont know.... but it's a shame we have to lose it.
Why must we lose that part of us? Is it because the world forces us to? Is it because if we were to stay that innocent we would never find the meaning of life or understand it's value? I dont know.... but it's a shame we have to lose it.
August 28, 2006
A Family Day At The Lake
The little man lookin like a big stud.
Ayden wanted to ride on this sail boat so bad. It took awhile to explain to him that we would have to wait for another day. Another promise........you think he will remember them all?
July 24, 2006
July 23, 2006
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